Remember what I wanted?

I wanted to stand on a beach somewhere. Nice long flowy dress. Rent a beach house for a week or two. Have everyone there. Hear the ocean in the background. Get married at dusk.
Tony wanted a big wedding. "If we have a big wedding, I'll help do everything 50-50".
Ummmm remember that?
Suddenly, "helping" is making a payment here and there, and giving opinions about things after they've been decided. When asked, it's "you know I really don't care" until later.

Tonight, he tells me he wants the groomsmen in a particular order-- his two brothers have to stand next to each other. Doesn't matter how tall they are. Doesn't matter how it'll look from the pews. I've asked him before who he wanted to walk with whom and he said he didn't care.
It's so frustrating. Seriously. I told him fine- to call Zhan (who is writing a program and running the show that day) and tell him...get involved. He won't. That's my job apparently. GRRRRRRRRR

We have gotten 10 replies back so far for our wedding RSVPs. It's so exciting! I love rushing home every day to check the mail. So far, all "yes" but I guess no one would rush to mail in a "no".

I can't wait til this school year is over. I still need to copy my report cards, organize all of my cumulative files, and finish cleaning up my room. I want to be checking out of there by 10 am on Friday! Then I can move on to the fun stuff.

Think about me.... I'm still a big wreck thinking about Mason's graduation Wednesday night, and the infamous walk down the hall. I don't want to cry hysterically and have everyone looking at me, and embarass Mason, but I can't even talk about it without crying. Not sure how I'm going to get thru it without falling apart. I keep telling myself it's really silly- he's not going to middle school tomorrow or anything. He will be with me all summer, and every morning next year he will catch the bus from BPES to get to Stonewall. I guess it will just be so strange not seeing him throughout the day next school year. Time for my baby to stretch his wings and enjoy some independence. Doesn't mean I have to like it though.

Crazy crazy busy....

Life lately has been so..... hectic and stressful.
1. The weekend away in DC was eye-opening in many ways. I won't elaborate here, but suffice to say there was some drama. It's all taken care of now, but it just wasn't fun for a little while. I loved being away though, relaxing, dancing a little- just being me instead of mom, bride-to-be, teacher, etc. A nice change of pace. I'm so excited about my own weekend in Philly. I can't wait to go back to where we were engaged. I just love that city. I have so many wonderful memories there.

2. My classes are killing me. They are both kind of boring, but I LOVE one of the professors, so I enjoy hearing her talk. The other is so boring, so dry, and the professor is just very....intense. The assignments are a pain in the you know what, and a complete waste of time. But, I still work really hard because I want an A. Come June 19th, this class will be done, and I can just concentrate on the one I like until July 28.

3. Wedding...I'm super super excited. The invites went out thursday, and I can't wait to start getting those little cards back. The invitations were simply beautiful if I do say so myself. I thought they were just perfect. We are down to just odds and ends to take care of. I'm just so excited. I wish it was next weekend. I can't wait to stand up there, in front of everyone, and pour my heart out. Don't get me wrong...my wedding was really pretty the first time, but this time, I'm so much more sure of what I want and what I have in a partner. I'm also more confident, more outspoken, and I can't wait to publicly express how I feel about Tony. I hope it's just beautiful.

4. Tony started a new job this week. It's in DC, so he's getting up at 3 every morning, leaving the house at 3:40 AM to catch the vanshare at 4 am! He sleeps all the way up (2 hours) and then catches it back to Richmond about 3 pm. He's home by 5 or 5:30. He absolutely loves the job, and says he is "in his element". I still see a move for us in the future, although he says no- that he doesn't mind the commute. We will see I guess...only time (and money) will tell!

5. Mason's musical. It's been soooo much work for him. Twice a week, 2 hours each time. They performed Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday night, Friday night, and tonight. 5 performances. He danced (one of 4 boys chosen) a waltz with the sweet little girl he has a crush on. I swear, I've seen this dance probably 10 times now, and I get teary every.single.time I watch it, on video and in person! I am going to have to survive this upcoming week on xanax. He also sang a solo of "The Twist" and did such an amazing job. Now if I can just get thru graduation on Wednesday. It will definitely be a tear-fest for me. And that hall-walk on Thursday. Oh my gosh. I'm just going to be a puddle.

50 things I love about Tony...

1. I love his strong arms.
2. I love that he loves my children as his own.
3. I love when he gets me water at night.
4. I love it when I catch his eye across a room in a crowd.
5. I love it when he orders for me at dinner.
6. I love how he insists on opening doors for me- the car, the house, whatever.
7. I love it when he stops for Starbucks.
8. I love his random text messages and emails.
9. I love that he's insistent on what we dance to at the wedding.
10. I love how involved he's wanted to be on everything.
11. I love that he's romantic and mushy sometimes.
12. I love his cologne.
13. I love that he can't sleep without touching me....my foot, my leg, whatever.
14. I love that he tucks the kids in every night.
15. I love what he has helped Mason become.
16. I love that he acts like a kid sometimes.
17. I love that he makes me laugh every single day.
18. I love playing Phase 10 with him. (even though he hates that I win every time)
19. I love sitting on the deck drinking wine and listening to music.
20. I love that he will dance in the kitchen with me.
21. I love his kisses.
22. I love when he gets me a clean towel.
23. I love that I'm the only girl he's ever taken home to mom.
24. I love how planned out our engagement was.
25. I love his Michael Jackson impression.
26. I love singing in the car with him.
27. I love going to clubs with him.
28. I love that we love the same movies- When Harry Met Sally, 50 First Dates
29. I love watching "our" shows together: Nip/Tuck, Desperate Housewives, and yes, Rock of Love when it was on.
30. I love that he loves my friends.
31. I love that he is protective of me.
32. I love that he gets "a little jealous" sometimes.
33. I love when he scratches my back.
34. I love that he loves my body, faults and all.
35. I love that he likes doing homework with the kids.
36. I love that he never forgets the anniversary of my breast cancer dx.
37. I love watching football with him.
38. I love hearing him talk about football....he really knows his stuff!
39. I love watching him when he gets to hang out with Will.
40. I love watching him interact with his brothers.
41. I love the way his mom looks at him. You can tell she is so proud.
42. I love his smell right out of the shower.
43. I love it when he plays with my hair.
44. I love how he looks when he dresses up, especially in a suit and tie.
45. I love when he does chores. :-)
46. I love when he comes to school to have lunch with me.
47. I love it when he smiles.
48. I love that he lets me cry whenever I am sad about my mom.
49. I love that he doesn't let me cry when I'm stressed- he always talks me out of it or makes me realize things aren't so bad after all.
50. I love that he lets me be who I am.

Bring on Summer!

Nice day today... I'm just soooo ready for the rush of school to be over. The funny part is, it's not my job in particular that stresses me out. It's my kids school work. It's the tests, the quizzes, the SOL tests, the lunches and lunch money, sign this, return that, read this....it never ends. I'm so looking forward to the slower pace of summer. Even though I'm going to have class three nights a week this summer, my days will be free. I just want to slooooooooooow down. Read a book. Go to the pool. Take naps. I'm ready for choir and boy scouts and brownies to be done for awhile. All the driving and dinner rush and bedtimes.

And then, at some point, hopefully after my honeymoon, I'll start to want to go back to work. Funny how that is.

Bachelor parties and other nonsense...

A good friend's fiance just returned from his bachelor party. Another good friend's husband also just returned from a similar event. Of course, the boys had to be boys, and go to your friendly neighborhood strip club. What is up with strip clubs??? I've been to one, actually several, with Tony. The first time was....hmmmm.... interesting. I had to keep reminding myself not to gawk and to shut my mouth. After that, it just became boring.

So what is it about men and strip clubs? Why is that just "what you do" on a bachelor party? I know men are visual and all that BS, but don't you think they should feel awkward about some strange girl that gets paid to rub her ta tas all over them? It's a J O B to them....not a D A T E.

I keep telling myself I'm not going to care if he goes to one. I know he's not going to kiss her or anything like that....but I hate the thought of another woman rubbing her body all over him. Does that make me jealous? Does that make me a woman who isn't confident enough about her relationship? Do the women that say "I don't care if he goes" really mean it?

Thoughts??

Save the Drama for your mama

Drama with a capital D. That was my day today. Seriously. Over hotel rooms. And who is going to stay with who for my bachelorette party.

I'm at home, happily enjoying my 2nd glass of wine. I may have a 3rd. And maybe a 4th.